Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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