you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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