I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
