I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
