your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
