Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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