i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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