whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
