i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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