there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
