Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
