Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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