Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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