She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You are a genius and a whore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
