Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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