Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
