This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
