i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
