cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
