Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
