I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
