Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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