I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
