i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
