Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I believe in your delicious
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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