Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
