i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
