Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
