i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
