when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
