Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're too hungover to prance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
