just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
