just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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