Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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