Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
