is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
