That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
