i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
