pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
