I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
