So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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