"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
