How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
