At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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