Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
