So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
