Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
