you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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