More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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