Only a mothe r could love this liver
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
